Attention: The Captain/Chairman
Confidential Sports Proposal,
Having consulted with my colleagues from the Zambia Cricket Union, I wish to enlist your aid in a matter of great delicacy.
We have recently discovered a total of 100,000 (one hundred thousand) International Test Runs, that were the private stockpile of former President Chiluba.
We are ready to transfer the runs overseas, but since Zambia is not a test playing nation, these runs, if publicly acknowledged, will be reclaimed by the International Cricket Council.
We therefore need a batting average and strike rate, from a test playing country, so we may account for Chiluba's runs as having been scored by an overseas player.
If you help us, we propose to offer you 25% of all the Test Runs we transfer out of Zambia into your country.
In order to complete this transaction we will require:
(a) Your club name and home-ground address.
(b) Your complete scorebook for this season.
In order to circumvent ICC checks on runs scored abroad we must activate a suitable Average for you here in Zambia. To do this we require from you a small advance of
3 Wickets (at least one L.B.W) and 2 slip catches.
Please reply urgently.